Today was a day that I was very glad that I knew what coming. I knew to expect a call from our clinic with news about our intended gestational surrogate and I knew that the news would not be good. So as I listened to the nurse explaining why our GS was denied I was able to (for the most part) keep my shit together.
I thought it was worth asking if this was simply a standard of our clinic (they are one of the top rated ones in the twin cities) or if this was a standard in general. Unfortunately it is a standard in general. To be a surrogate, one has to have a history of uncomplicated pregnancy. However minor, preeclampsia is considered a complication. The nurse mentioned that there could possibly be some "wiggle room" in the case since the preeclampsia did not seem to pose a health threat to the mother or the baby. BUT, if this were her sister, friend, cousin, she would not recommend going forward.
This meant a lot to me. In a world of statistics and "hot shots" and often poor bedside manner, our nurse was a shining beacon of empathy. When I was getting bad news and trying to be strong she would knowlingly hand me a Kleenex and help me out the back door of the clinic so that I don't have to go out in front of everyone in the lobby. When my first cycle was cancelled she found some samples in the office to help out with the drug costs on the second cycle since she knew that we were paying out of pocket. When she recommended that we do not go forward with our intended GS than we will not go forward.
I dried my eyes and went back to my desk and tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. That's when I found out that one of my coworkers just had her baby. While I am happy for her I cannot help the fact that my heart just feels empty. Sometimes life is so unfair.