We have been waiting to check our message from the clinic. The wait was awful. All afternoon I just kept staring at the message notification on my phone, wondering.....
As much as a wanted to check the message, I also did not want to check it. You see, our little maybe baby is like Schrodinger's cat. It is simultaneously both alive and not alive - in a state of quantum superposition -until we check that message. If we check the message, we may have killed the cat.
At some point though, we had to open the box and find out the fate of our cat.
We agreed to wait until we both got home and check the message together. Mark and I held hands, held our breath and let the message play. The nurse sounded nervous. I was sure that it was bad news. And then she said congratulations.
Did we hear that right?
Yes, she said "congratulations".
Our beta test was positive. Our GC is pregnant, even if just a little. They will redo the test on Wednesday and double check that the hcg levels are rising.
They did not say what the hcg level was, and even though it is killing me to know, I am not going to call and find out. (And then do research to see where it falls in the range and spend the next two days vacillating over the numbers). Instead I am going to try to keep my stuff together for another couple of days and wait for the call on Wednesday. I have found out the hard way that no amount of playing doctor and reading into test results will do any good. Instead of wasting my energy on things that I change, I should instead be thankful that we have gotten this far.
I know that a BFP (big fat positive) does not always lead to a healthy baby or even a baby at all...from the many blogs that I have read and also from my own experience...but I also know this is progress. Maybe Baby is now the size of a poppy seed and is now two layers of cells - the epiblast and the hypoblast.
We just hope that these cells keep growing....