Thursday, June 11, 2015

There Can Be Only One

This is a picture of our maybe baby - a grade 3 (out of 3, 3 being the worst) day 5 morula.  A morula is the development stage just before blastocyst  Today this is our only embryo left, our only chance at our own baby - we hope that this will be good enough.

I joked that our embryos are like Highlanders - that there can be only one - but that is just me trying to make light of the situtuation.  I was really, really, really hoping that we would come in today and we would have three beautiful blastocysts.  (I realize that this was never the reality, but it is still good to want things).  I was also really, really, really scared that we would get a call this morning telling us that all of our embryos had expired and that there was no transfer.  So having one today to transfer was a good middle ground and most likely the reality.

It was definitely an emotional day.  All morning my stomach was in knots waiting for the call from the clinic that our transfer was cancelled.  When the call did not come I was certain that they had just forgot to call and that we would end up coming to the clinic only to be turned away due to the fact that our last embryo had just expired.  Thankfully my overactive imagination was just that - my imagination.

I was the first one to arrive at the clinic, which is actually pretty funny considering that I am ALWAYS late.  I was late coming into this world (overdue) and have been late every since.  When I went to check in they didn't have an appointment for me - it was under the name of our GC.  Luckily I thought fast and mentioned that and everything was good.

When everyone had arrived, we went back to the recovery room where there were several sets of scrubs waiting for us.  Everyone was able to put our scrubs over our clothes except our poor GC who was only able to over the "top" layer (the ladies know where I am going with this).  The Valium that our GC took was slowly staring to show its effects as she was drifting from cohent to a pleasantly loopy version of less than cohent as the time ticked by.  I admit that I was a bit jealous - I could have absolutely used a valium myself.  Note to clinics - issue the GC and the intended mother valium for the transfer day.

The nurse went through the procedure and the after care and asked if we had any questions.  I honestly did not, but this was in part because of the fact that I had never made it to transfer myself - we have only gone through the retrieval stage - plus the fact that she was very thorough and we were very nervous. 

The doctor came in and discussed the state of our embryo.  While many couples would be very upset by the news that there was only one embryo left and that it was poorly graded, I was surprisingly optimistic.  One is better than none.  Honestly I was just happy that we had a transfer happening at all.

Not too long after we went back to the transfer room.  It was a beautiful experience.  We are so lucky to have our GC - she was amazing.  We were able to sit in the room (quietly - they absolutely stressed no talking while our doctor was at work) and witness the miracle of the placement of our maybe baby into our GCs perfect womb. 

Right now I know that our little maybe baby is tucked safely away in the best possible place that it could be. 

Now all it needs to do is grow.......

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